Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
