OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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