Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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