I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
