Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
