You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
