He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
