This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
