After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And then my night got REAL pukey
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
