I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
