Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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