you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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