mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Still dying that you shit outside
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
