your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
