Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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