the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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