I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
