now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
