Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
