Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
