if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
