I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
