Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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