I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
