the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
