I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
