Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
