did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
