do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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