I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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