I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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