Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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