I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
