Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
