Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
