Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The air taste purple.
Randomize
