saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
