Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
