ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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