We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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