just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
