For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Terrible idea I love it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
