i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
