Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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