In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
