talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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