My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
