What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
love makes seman taste better
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i've created a new STD.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
