i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
