If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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