That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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