just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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