shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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